hokey. so i got into another argument. the one that says get out of my life and find yourself someone who can be who you want them to be.

or something like that.

remember the butch who opted to stay in my life come hell and high waters? well, she just had her hell and high waters day. i just hope that this too shall come to pass. and leave us still together. for whatever reasons...

i really shouldn't hold on anyway. i really should let her go. but i know this is just one of those silly arguments. where did it started anyway? from a single comment gone wrong.

isn't that how things always gets wrong in this relationship? its always something the other said that gets into the wrong context and blew up out of proportions. but as someone said: small things are indicative of something deeper and bigger. there's some issues hiding there that's raring to get out. but we choose to ignore it. so it comes out as petty arguments blown out of proportions.

oh well... face it or life or fate will create a bigger scene or something like that. i read that from my horoscope - heed the signs or else, it will make itself heard in a more dramatic way. arggghhh!

hehehe...just read my last blog. so just to update - i got myself another butch and the one i called O got herself another bitch...and then another. oh well, can't say what i have is better than the one that got away. at least this one opted to stay in my life come hell and high water - that is come PMS.

as for my question of being single or partnered - which is better? i still haven't got the answer. hmmm...actually, i do - its better to be single, that is, if you're not inlove. i would have opted to stay away from being partnered if i am sort of a clairvoyant or whatdyacall someone who could go to the future? hmmm...there's some kind of a problem there though - how could i could to the future and see what's going to happen if it didn't happen first? this is getting messy...

oh well. what i'm trying to say is single is fine...it could be great if you're not forever whinning of being alone or pinning for someone. come to think of it, during difficult times in our relationship - i would longingly think of the time when i'm single and wished i'd remained single. it is such a headache when we quarrel. and we argue a lot... and we can't seem to see each other's point of view. i don't want her telling me what to do - i've been my own person for so long and i'm not used to anybody telling me that. i've been deciding for myself ever since i can remember that i can't seem to assimilate anyone in my life who would want me to curtail my behaviour or want me to change in any way. but here she is...telling me that her way is better than mine.

oh but not to say i would break up with my lovie. just that i should have stayed out of this person's life. but now that i'm involved and in love, i wouldn't think of breaking up and returning to singlehood. a clear case of could-have-been. or is it?

i would like to believe that we are making progress in terms of accepting each other. now we argue about decisions and expectations. at least a different one from personality-based arguments - you know, arguments on personality or character. hehehe... now we argue about decisions, expectations and issues (issue-based?).

Who have said that being in a same-sex relationship is easier and better than the heterosexual one? Just because we're both women does not mean we automatically understand each other. on the other hand, maybe because we are both women that we argue a lot. men doesn't like to argue. they would just stone wall when you start to nag.

all the things that needed to be threshed out are being threshed out and resolved-bit by bit, bite size. things are gradually tiding over and in time, i hope we ran out of arguments and just be happy. agreeably happy...