looking back

i realized that the police, the barangay and the rest of the male population (and some female) would think that the felons tried to break in my house because they knew there was no man in that house.

while i was giving my statement to the local officials (barangay), they asked me where is my husband and why is he not home. i told them i don't have any. they don't seem to understand and repeated the question. does your husband work night shifts? no. i told them. where is he? they insisted. i told them no, i don't have a husband. ohhh...they chorused. so that's why...why what? why i was burglarized? i was too shaken at that time to argue or even start a lecture or debate.

at the police station, the same question was asked. asan ang asawa mo? the police inspector asked. i said - wala. wala? he asked? where is he? i told him: wala akong asawa. i forgot the next thing he said. because by this time, my abdomen is aching from stress. its 3am and i'm still out in my pajamas giving statement after statement.

are men deterrent in the commission of crime? that in the first place are almost always committed by men too? maybe. maybe those crooks thought women are easy prey. on the other hand, male headed households in our area were also burglarized.

some of my friends and relatives told me to get a dog - a big, mean-looking dog to scare off those felons. so which one is it - a dog or a man?

Holy Week Trauma

on april 8, at about 1am. i heard a crash, i thought what happened? maybe nanay was going through the kitchen and just as i was thinking that when she called to ask what am i doing? i ran down and saw that our kitchen louver was crashed. there was a hole in the kitchen wall.
i was so shocked and so afraid i could barely breath and talk. i could feel my something in my throat while i was attempting to tell nanay that somebody's trying to break in our house. realizing what's going on, nanay started to cry.
i ran to her and held her and told her not to cry. we'll ask for help. i called kuya rollo using nanay's cellphone. but it was not answered. then i called marlyn's number. it was unattended. i texted kuya and marlyn what happened.but i waited a few seconds before i decided to go out. i was afraid that the crooks would be waiting in front of the house. but since i thought that there was no way to go from back of the house to the front except through the bubong, i ran outside and called the homeowner' asso. president (teroy). i told him someone's trying to break in and he called the barangay outpost.
after a few minutes, he told me what the barangay told him. they said it was useless to come over since i scared the burglars away. it would be better to go back to sleep now and report the incident (file a blotter) when day breaks. then i read kuya's text message - that we should go out and ask help from the neighbors.
although i was hesitant, i cannot think of anything better to do than follow what the barangay told teroy. what i really wanted was to make them come over and check the back. i went in and up the loft to off the fan. i thought i'd sleep with nanay. i had barely stepped two ladders down when there was another crash. i ran and saw that my pingganan was all over the floor. my plates and glasses and mugs were broken. this time i was afraid and angry that i shouted. i called for teroy and told him that they had come back. nanay kept on crying so i held her and we went out.
i was heard four houses away and my neighbors came out. i was so hysterical and nanay kept on crying. i texted kuya that the burglars came back. teroy called the barangay again and this time they came with the barangay police carrying arms. (at this time kuya texted back that they are on their way) they went in and took a look. then teroy requested they go round at the back. the back of our house cannot be accessed through the subdivision, they have to go out of the subdivision. the back of the row of houses does not belong to the developer who built our houses.
when they were there, i heard a shot. they told me later that it was just a warning shot. then i was requested to go to the barangay to file a blotter. i went alone since the barangay police after checking the back did not came back.
i road a tricycle to the barangay which was located so far away. i don't know how many minutes passed before we reached the place. upon reaching the hall, i knocked. i thought it was the wrong hall because there was only one person in that place, and i just woke him up. then a few minutes, the barangay police arrived. the same people who came to the subdivision. as i was giving my statement, teroy called and asked us to go back because the burglar came back. (while i was giving my statement, nanay texted me that kuya rollo is already there.) the barangay officials seem hesitant and was unbelieving. how could they come back? they asked among themselves. we already gave a warning shot? i texted teroy to call again and explain. he did call again.
after they took my statement, they told me to go to the police to ask assistance. the barangay police would go back. at the police station, there was only one police manning (excuse me for the gender insensitive term) the station. he told me could not leave the station but took my statement. he explained that there were only 3 police officers in that precint and all of them are dispatched because there was a reported shoot out in buhay na tubig and they are there. but in case i really needed the police and the barangay police can not handle it, i could call him (he gave me his callcard and the direct line of the police station) and he would pull out his men and sent it to me.
when i arrived home, nanay, kuya rollo and marlyn were all outside. including our neighbors and the barangay police. i cried for the first time that day when i saw kuya. it was past 3 am in the morning.
that night, i couldn't sleep. the slightest noise would sent me up my feet. my heart beating fast. it has remained that way for 3 days. i texted my officemates and friends. some called and i told them the details. i badly needed people to talk to. my neighbors were all helpful.
kuya put up a temporary rehas in place of the broken louver. then he put some plywood up so we could not be seen from the outside. but we, nanay and i, are still restless. that night, kuya, marlyn and miggy slept over. they went home thursday night. kuya said he'll be back saturday and that we should not be afraid.
i texted auntie vicky and judy. i asked them to come over. i needed some moral support. they did come, and for the time that they were there my heartbeat was normal. but as soon as they left, i could feel my heartbeat running 100miles/second.
thursday night, i slept downstairs. i was afraid that the burglars would next target the ceiling. and i'm near the ceiling. or that they would come through the kitchen again and i couldn't run to nanay to get her out of the house. i couldn't sleep. at 430am, i fell asleep. then woke up at 5am. my alarm went off. then by 6am, nanay was already up and it was already light outside i decided to sleep. then, i heard my auntie's voice. i went down and was surprised to see that it was already 10am. i thought i just slept a few minutes. while they were there, everything seems fine. when they left, things got stressful again. i could already feel that my body is trembling. i thought this is not good. but no matter what relaxation technique i did, i could not make my body relax.
then at 5pm, judy, joy, macy and pj-joy's bf came over. they stayed up to 7pm. again, my heart was beating normally. i stopped shaking. but when they left, it all started again.
kuya texted that he will be back at night. and i was relieved. nanay and i waited for him outside. i couldn't stay inside the house. but outside, i kept on peeking inside. nanay and i were both restless. though we don't talk about it. when finally kuya arrived, it was almost 10pm. he slept downstairs and told me to go up. i thought i'd never sleep. i prayed the rosary. and asked for peace. the moment my head hit the pillow, i slept. i woke up at about past 7am. it was my first sleep after that incident.

gays and lesbians

one caller in a radio program i'm listening to gave this opinion - he thinks gays are better than lesbians because gays dominate the field of arts - so they say. they are in fashion, in hairdressing. while lesbians only try to copy males but they don't dominate in any field. in that sense, the caller said they are more productive. so the program host (DJ?) challenged the listeners to call and defend the lesbians.

the thing is, i don't think they should be glad they are being stereotyped in that role - hairdressers, fashion designers and the like. dominating one field does not mean they excel. some do, some don't. start counting how many of our gay sisters actually are a success in that field and how many of them are actually in that field. they say they dominate that industry but the truth is, they are being typecasted as hairdressers and parloristas. they flock to that industry because that's the only place this culture will tolerate them. let them try entering other fields and they would encounter resistance.

its not so much different from being female. women dominate the field related to or an extension of their "roles" as women such as teachers and nurses. although some women are breaking in fields that were male territories, such as military, engineering and the like - but men still dominate that field. how many female cadettes actually graduated from the army? because admit it or not, women are still limited by tradition and culture in entering non-traditional courses.

and so does, lesbians, gays, bisexual and transgenders.

there's one story of a friend who was not accepted in a job she applied for and the reason is, she's obviously and openly lesbian. but that is not to say she's not good in her field. and there's this one gay friend who was not accepted as a teacher because he was gay.

i hope that gay caller would soon realize that LGBTs have a common cause here. and that instead of comparing themselves with lesbians, they should be uniting with their sisters and pushing for reforms.

Nicole

nung nakaraang buwan, lumabas ang balita na bumaligtad daw si nicole. binabawi na daw nya ang kanyang statement na sya ay ni-rape. marami siguro ang nagalit. ewan ko lang. ang sukatan ko lang naman kung ano ang reaksyon ng karamihan ay ang aking ka-opisina. maraming koneksyon yun sa media eh.

pero sa totoo lang, ako man ay nagulat. nung sinabi sa akin na nasa U.S. na sya naisip kong, baka ex-deal ito. malamang, bumigay na si nicole sa pressure. bat nga hindi? ayon nga sa kanyang lead counsel, may offer ng settlement kay nicole nuon pa man.

PERO, pero, pero (but, but, but...) ayon na rin sa mga lawyer na naghandle ng case nya, walang binawi si nicole sa kanyang statement. kung alam lang ng sambayanan - ang inilabas na statement ni nicole ay walang pinagkaiba sa statement nya na binitiwan habang nililitis pa ang kaso. at kung susuriin pang mabuti, ang binitiwan nyang salita kung kamakailan ay mga lehitimong katanungan ng isang rape victim.

matapos ang ilang taon, ang ilang dekadang pakikibaka para sa karapatan ng kababaihan, nananatiling isang katotohanan ang paglapastangan sa mga kababaihan. at isang katotohanan pa rin na ang tendensya ng publiko na ang mga biktima ang sisihin sa mga kalapastanganang ito.