everytime i hear a phone beep, i resist the urge to look in my bag to see if i've got message...waaahhh!!! i don't have a cel anymore. kaya ko to! i keep on saying. maybe i'll try not having any means of mobile communication device for a while. a month i said to myself. i wonder if i'd last that long.

i guess it's like losing a friend or getting out of a relationship. it takes getting used to. i'm so used to having a device that could connect me to friends and relatives near and far.

what was life before my cellphone? i got by naman... di naman ako nasiraan ng ulo. ang hirap lang sa technology, once you get to use one - parang you can't live without one anymore. well, mahirap nga. kasi i have to take a chance everytime i got out. like who will i see at the school? nobody - if i'd have my cell, i could text somebody and would know. as it is, i have to spend more than 50 bucks for my transportation for nothing. not really nothing... nothing happens for nothing - my favorite quote. for whatever it may mean, coming to school kinda boost my morale and helped me decide (magpasya?)to really take that much needed leave so i could finally face my graduation requirements. i needed to get this out of the way...

ayun! pag may direction akong gustong puntahan, nawawala ang interest ko magkaroon ng lovelife. bad... not entirely nawawala just relegated to the background. mukhang yung isa lang ang willing to pursue me.

yesterday, she called kasi nga i texted everyone i cared to text that i'll be giving up my cell so i could not text them anymore until i got another one. that afternoon, she called just to say hi and i find that so sweet... kakainis. she's the black horse among the three i'm interested in. mukhang sa kanya ako mahuhulog ah! sana lang, sure na ko. based on what her friend told me she's been through a lot of hearthaches already and i don't want to be one in the line up.

why is it that my one prime consideration in entering a relationship always includes the economic? actually, before i even knew aaliyah's story, i thought i wanted her even if i have to be the one to feed her. now i know how financially independent she is, parang na insecure naman ako. like, grabe iba ito...now, with this cat i have to be ensured that she won't be dependent on me, financially. pero unti-unti, hindi na nagiging mahalaga iyon. why? i'm so smitten with people who shows kindness and sweetness towards me. let me not be blinded by this i pray... oh well...

it's time to go... i have to feed the dogs and cat pa. what will i buy kaya?

did i say aaliyah is more abot-kaya? what was i thinking? napaka kahon ko talaga mag-isip. actually, di ko lam why i said that. we've been exchanging emails and just this morning, i learned more about her. and guess what i learned. never mind. just that she was not the kind of person that her "friends" pictured her to be. how did her friends picture her? as someone shy, timid and kinda weak. now where did i get that idea? being silent does not mean weak - i should know. and to think that she once got into a "love triangle" situation, at siya ang may other woman - how could i picture her the way i did? anyway, sige - let me get to know her better...

i've got three "friends" right now na potentials. hehehe... sige, bahala na. ika nga eh nasa getting to know each other pa naman. i should not rush anything right now. take things easy ba? ano nga ba yung sinabi sa akin ni malmag dati - let things be... now it's more clear how "to let things be" - ibig pala sabihin ay do what ever you have to do and see if things develop and NOT do nothing and see if things develop. ganun ginawa ko eh... malay ko ba?

i kinda like this new look...cool!

alone again and bored. what is this feeling that keeps on creeping up on me? while i was travelling this morning, i was thinking - what my life is all about. sabi ng alter ego ko - enjoy life! waldasin ang pera. para saan ba at nagsa save ako? ano ang pinaghahandaan ko?

everything is temporary... all things are in transient (dat correct?). so why should i buy shoes that will lasta a lifetime? why should i save and build on something when i don't have anybody to pass it on to?

when i'm feeling this way... it's time to either move on or find something of interest or something that will make me feel like discovering new things. my life is on a lull, a plateau... what else could i call the stage/phase i'm going through?

there's some good news though... my aunt is sending me money for my house and kuya's taxi. whichever comes first in my brother's list of important things. anyway, the money goes to kuya-just hope he finishes what he's been doing in june. gusto ko nang makalipat.

so here i am again, wondering who the hell is beth. baseless are my fears. jealousy springs from insecurities i feel. and why would i not feel this way? with so much going on for her, why would she even take a look at my direction and maybe feel something like... like... or maybe think something like... i could have a future with that girl.

this sucks. just yesterday night, i was thinking of apple and aaliyah... which one excites me more, which one i feel more for. funny that i should be making a choice when there's really no choice to make.

it's raining... and it looks like it won't be stopping any sooner...

i really shouldn't be thinking about these things right now. what i should actually be doing is finishing my papers and getting it out of my way so i can start looking for better opportunities.

bahala na nga...