if there's one thing that i really hate, it's not knowing what i should feel.

one moment i wanted to be free from responsibilities and when that came up, i felt abandoned naman. so what am i talking about?

it's like this... i bought a house. my mom came to live with me along with her pets. now that was okay except that it cramped my style. now i feel i'm burdened because i have to go home everynight because she might get sad or something.

then she left, i've got 4 days of independence. except that she left her cat to my care. that means no hanging out or night out with friends. got to get home to the cat.

then... my brother called to say they'll be getting the cat because our mom will stay with my other brother but they'll be leaving my dog (another story why it's with my other brother)in my care. now that pissed me off... and i can't help but really get mad at my brother. so i gave it to him - yeah! really poured... then i texted my mom to tell her they can't leave askie with me because i'll be gone for 2 days. and i already told her that. she called to tell me she forgot. but they'd do something about askie na lang.

so where does the feeling come in? you guess... at first i was burdened with the responsibility. and when my mom decides to stay with my brother i got the feeling that i'm such a bad daughter. i felt sad not because i'd be alone but because i felt that i was not good enough for her. or maybe i've hurt her feelings. which i think i did. i hate this feeling - torn between feeling bad with the way they treat me and feeling bad with the way i retaliate. this has got to stop somewhere. and it has to stop now.

by the way, my friend whom i've been missing so much finally sent me a message. she's finally coming home. i mean coming to manila. not exactly what i prayed for but then again it might be the answer to my prayers. God works in so many ways.

and this thing with my mom and brother...there's got to be a lesson in this for me. i hope i learned it quick, i hate feeling this way.

with only 17 minutes to spare..ooppps... make that 16 minutes before my time is up - what could i say? one, i'm sure glad that the testimonial of that bitch is gone (shyet, naiirita ako!) and secondly, i wonder why am i feeling this way?

finally, i got a "date" with the girl i've been eyeing for the longest time. well, in an on and off fashion. i'm not sure kasi if i wanted to pursue her or not. nothing's sure. better na siguro na ganito ang feeling ko kaysa naman giddy and excited tapos wala lang naman pala sa kanya yun.

maybe... i shouldn't expect anything. tama naman yun, except that i kept on thinking about her each waking hour. sa gabi, napipigil ko pa sarili ko. then i find myself thinking of her pag kagising ko. between the conscious and the unconscious, i would often catch myself dreaming of holding her... etc...=)

ei! i have a new phone already. i was supposed to post my thoughts last, last week... when was that? ummm... this first weekend of august. when i was having a fit, feeling depressed and so lonely, i let myself be entertained with a purchase of a cellphone. no regrets... only -- now i have dipped into my savings, i will have to find ways to save again... bills are just around the corner.

11 minutes to go... what else should i post? wait na lang... i'll keep you posted on what happened this week. next week she says... i wonder when next week? will it be a wednesday or a thursday? whatever... i need to go home early. ay! paano kaya iyon? wala pala ang aking ina? sino ang magpapakain sa pusa? letseng pusa... hindi ba pede wag siya kumain ng isang araw lang? hehehe... ask ko nga si nanay if i can feed that darn cat in the morning and then the next morning na ulit?

9 minutes to go... got to use that remaining minute to shut this down. bye!