i have often wondered what other people's lives are. and i do this whenever i feel depressive. i would think, what would it feel like being in another person's shoes? what are they thinking and feeling? what are the things that troubles their minds and heart?
motivate yourself. i keep on repeating this like a mantra in my head. while my hands and eyes are glued to a game on my computer. and i wonder if playing will keep my mind off my depression or would it lift the fog that's clouding my mind. or would sleeping do the trick?
i've been sleeping less hours this week because of a school paper that i've been trying to finish. only to find out that i lack one requirement that my group mate is supposed to have done. one last computation. on the last page. too late for me to do something because i'm at the end of my thinking capacity.
all those sleepless hours for nothing. i was not able to beat the deadline set by our prof. because of that one last piece of sheet.
i know i need to get out and do something that will lift my spirit. but things seems to be falling on my head. like the sky is closing in on me. just when i was trying to iron out everything and was actually feeling positive about my schooling.
just last week, i took a leave of absence to attend to school requirements and to see where i really stand. although i may have to tackle another year before i graduate, still it made me happy to know where i stood.
and then the frantic race to finish everything, to tie the lose ends so i could finally get to the finish line. but the road is not really that straight and smooth. i may have my eyes on the prize but i still have to look at where i'm going to make sure i don't trip on my way to the end of the rainbow and the proverbial pot of gold.
but it gets frustrating when every step seems like an obstacle course. and it doesn't help to have people that i thought have the same goal but drags their feet and would rather ride on my back than carry their own weight.
this thought is too damn frustrating. what if i actually make a box for TFGTD (things for God to do)? like i don't want to worry about these things anymore. it does nothing to worry.
look ahead and see what i can do. that should do the trick.
