i have often wondered what other people's lives are. and i do this whenever i feel depressive. i would think, what would it feel like being in another person's shoes? what are they thinking and feeling? what are the things that troubles their minds and heart?
motivate yourself. i keep on repeating this like a mantra in my head. while my hands and eyes are glued to a game on my computer. and i wonder if playing will keep my mind off my depression or would it lift the fog that's clouding my mind. or would sleeping do the trick?
i've been sleeping less hours this week because of a school paper that i've been trying to finish. only to find out that i lack one requirement that my group mate is supposed to have done. one last computation. on the last page. too late for me to do something because i'm at the end of my thinking capacity.
all those sleepless hours for nothing. i was not able to beat the deadline set by our prof. because of that one last piece of sheet.
i know i need to get out and do something that will lift my spirit. but things seems to be falling on my head. like the sky is closing in on me. just when i was trying to iron out everything and was actually feeling positive about my schooling.
just last week, i took a leave of absence to attend to school requirements and to see where i really stand. although i may have to tackle another year before i graduate, still it made me happy to know where i stood.
and then the frantic race to finish everything, to tie the lose ends so i could finally get to the finish line. but the road is not really that straight and smooth. i may have my eyes on the prize but i still have to look at where i'm going to make sure i don't trip on my way to the end of the rainbow and the proverbial pot of gold.
but it gets frustrating when every step seems like an obstacle course. and it doesn't help to have people that i thought have the same goal but drags their feet and would rather ride on my back than carry their own weight.
this thought is too damn frustrating. what if i actually make a box for TFGTD (things for God to do)? like i don't want to worry about these things anymore. it does nothing to worry.
look ahead and see what i can do. that should do the trick.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
thoughts
bawal na magdala ng bata sa palasyo.
can't help but feel that this is a backlash to a women-friendly office setup. first, flexi-time was scrapped. now, employees are not allowed to bring their kids.
maybe, this is for productivity's sake. parents are not that productive when they bring their kids to work. of course, who would be when the parent's attention would be divided between the boss giving instructions and the kids messing with your papers.
backlash is: househelp are hard to find. and if you do have one, there's always something that would come up that would take the househelp away, like a sick relative, a family member who is giving birth, etc. then who takes care of the kids? usually the mother. but nowadays, some fathers do share in the parenting. so alternately, the parents would take a leave of absence to look after the kids until the house help returns or until another help comes along.
can't help but feel that this is a backlash to a women-friendly office setup. first, flexi-time was scrapped. now, employees are not allowed to bring their kids.
maybe, this is for productivity's sake. parents are not that productive when they bring their kids to work. of course, who would be when the parent's attention would be divided between the boss giving instructions and the kids messing with your papers.
backlash is: househelp are hard to find. and if you do have one, there's always something that would come up that would take the househelp away, like a sick relative, a family member who is giving birth, etc. then who takes care of the kids? usually the mother. but nowadays, some fathers do share in the parenting. so alternately, the parents would take a leave of absence to look after the kids until the house help returns or until another help comes along.
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
networking
why are networking business so attractive? is it the charismatic speakers who so easily charms the participants during orientation? or is it the over-priced/over rated products that they are "selling" that promises nothing more than what other products can give. does it sell shoes that will lasts till your grandchildren gets their diplomas? or does it sell soaps that will not only make your skin flawlessly whiter and smoother but will erase 10-20 years off your face and body?
or maybe, its the lure or the promise of getting rich fast.
and the one's that gets hooked faster to this "business opportunity" are those who are the most desperate. para silang (networkers) mga illegal recruiters who banks on the ignorance of the barrio lass and their poverty. the more impoverished state, the more gullible they are to the lure of a better life. a better life without having to work hard for it. this is all so easy. earn as much as you want. you set the limit to how much you will earn. sell this outrageously expensive product or recruit more gullible people like you who will put their hard-earned money (whichever way they got it) on this business and you're on your way to fame and glory.
wala bang batas laban dito?
or maybe, its the lure or the promise of getting rich fast.
and the one's that gets hooked faster to this "business opportunity" are those who are the most desperate. para silang (networkers) mga illegal recruiters who banks on the ignorance of the barrio lass and their poverty. the more impoverished state, the more gullible they are to the lure of a better life. a better life without having to work hard for it. this is all so easy. earn as much as you want. you set the limit to how much you will earn. sell this outrageously expensive product or recruit more gullible people like you who will put their hard-earned money (whichever way they got it) on this business and you're on your way to fame and glory.
wala bang batas laban dito?
Monday, July 19, 2010
dreams
the other night, i dreamed of my bedroom when i was growing up in my grandparents' house. in my dream, i went through my old closet and saw my clothes. i pulled them out one by one while remembering how and when i got those clothes - who gave them to me and on what occasion. and as i pulled them out one by one, i saw that my clothes are already damaged and so one by one, while recounting the memories along with the clothes, i was putting them away in a garbage bag because its of no use anymore.
i hope this dream means that i am going to put behind all that was in the past and moving on with my life. i wonder though, what is it in my past that is worth revisiting and maybe is still haunting me today?
i hope this dream means that i am going to put behind all that was in the past and moving on with my life. i wonder though, what is it in my past that is worth revisiting and maybe is still haunting me today?
Sunday, May 30, 2010
are you ready?
what in the world will make me ready to accept all the good things that could happen in my life?
i have been wondering if there's something i'm not aware that is making me un-ready for all the good things to come into my life, otherwise known as blessings. i've been thinking this because its been a month and i have not received a single inquiry on my posted ad. someone's viewing it, but no inquiry. is it the ad? does my ad lack something that would move viewers to prospective buyers and actually inquire and eventually close a deal?
marami pa siguro akong dapat ayusin. ganito ako mag isip kasi ganito ang karanasan ko.
whenever i wanted something to happen badly - it never does. only when i'm ready. and when was that? when i am sure of what i want and why i want it and when i'm no longer in hot pursuit of it. all three must be present. a clear goal is necessary, a clear objective is required. and of course, i have to be calm. hahaha!!! which often i'm not. so at peace more likely. at peace with myself and that elusive dream. still wanting it, but not willing it to come. just letting it come to me in its own time and pace. only, i'm too impatient most of the time to just sit and wait.
patience and perseverance. i just realized that they come in pair. persevere patiently. hmmm. pwede ring patiently persevere. okay...then i must. persevere and be patient. calm the storm.
i have been wondering if there's something i'm not aware that is making me un-ready for all the good things to come into my life, otherwise known as blessings. i've been thinking this because its been a month and i have not received a single inquiry on my posted ad. someone's viewing it, but no inquiry. is it the ad? does my ad lack something that would move viewers to prospective buyers and actually inquire and eventually close a deal?
marami pa siguro akong dapat ayusin. ganito ako mag isip kasi ganito ang karanasan ko.
whenever i wanted something to happen badly - it never does. only when i'm ready. and when was that? when i am sure of what i want and why i want it and when i'm no longer in hot pursuit of it. all three must be present. a clear goal is necessary, a clear objective is required. and of course, i have to be calm. hahaha!!! which often i'm not. so at peace more likely. at peace with myself and that elusive dream. still wanting it, but not willing it to come. just letting it come to me in its own time and pace. only, i'm too impatient most of the time to just sit and wait.
patience and perseverance. i just realized that they come in pair. persevere patiently. hmmm. pwede ring patiently persevere. okay...then i must. persevere and be patient. calm the storm.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Sunday, May 02, 2010
tears for fears concert
spent may 2 with friends at araneta coliseum watching tears for fears concert. although i'm not a big fan, i do know some (as in 3) of their songs - mother talk, shout and mad world. hehehe...that's it. they did a michael jackson song that made the crowd go ga-ga.
it was fun because i saw my friends having fun. especially ms. paham (the girl who knows a lot of things).
it is true that you don't know what you got till its gone. but i'm glad they're not really gone. just that our meetings are few and far between. i missed those times that we would just let our hair down (after the boss left the office) and shout! shout! let it all out! while working overtime. working is fun with these girls around. we work while playing. we talk nonsense. and all things corny. we sing, we dance, we laugh, cry and let it all out.
you don't know how special these moments are until its gone. lucky for me, they're not. just not occurring as often as when we were still office mates.
miss you girls! love you all!
ooppsss...i forgot the "everybody wants to rule the world!"
it was fun because i saw my friends having fun. especially ms. paham (the girl who knows a lot of things).
it is true that you don't know what you got till its gone. but i'm glad they're not really gone. just that our meetings are few and far between. i missed those times that we would just let our hair down (after the boss left the office) and shout! shout! let it all out! while working overtime. working is fun with these girls around. we work while playing. we talk nonsense. and all things corny. we sing, we dance, we laugh, cry and let it all out.
you don't know how special these moments are until its gone. lucky for me, they're not. just not occurring as often as when we were still office mates.
miss you girls! love you all!
ooppsss...i forgot the "everybody wants to rule the world!"
Sunday, February 14, 2010
ako si darna
sa isang workshop, tinanong kami ng facilitator kung ano ang gusto namin maging nung bata pa kami. wala naman. wala akong maisip. pero pinilit ako ng kasama ko. o di sige, gusto ko maging si darna. bakit daw? aba? eh malay ko, bata pa ako nun. gusto ko ng super powers. gusto kong lumipad. at...siguro, gusto ko rin makatulong sa mag inaapi. di ba ganun ang gawain ng super heroes?
ano naman ang konek nun sa buhay ko ngayon? isang araw lang naman habang iniisip ko kung ano ang dadalhin ko sa monday pagpasok, biglang sumagi sa isip ko na hindi ako super hero. hindi ako si darna. at hindi ko kayang iligtas ang tao sa lahat ng imaginable miseries or problems. duh?! ano naman konek nun sa dadalhin ko sa opis?
eh nagtataka din ako bat ang dami kong dala. pwede naman kasing pamasahe lang at baon ang dalhin ko. pero hindi. kailangan may dala akong alcohol, lipstick, pulbo, suklay, napkin, tissue, papel, notebook sa school, textbook sa school...etc. etc...
para saan ba ang lahat ng ito? in case kailanganin. and in most cases, hindi ako ang nangangailangan ng mga ito. ok lang sa akin na once lang magsuklay - sa umaga. or sa gabi bago matulog. walang kaso sa akin magmukhang hinilamusan ng mantika sa kintab ang mukha. at ang mga notebooks at textbook sa school na mahirap talaga isingit sa trabaho - pwede ko namang gawin sa bahay.
in case kailanganin ng iba. yun. ganun lagi ang attitude ko. gusto ko, pag may nagtanong sa akin, may solusyon ako. eh hindi nga ako super hero. at napag isip-isip ko na nakakapagod maging sandalan. at lalong nakakapagod na mag isip ng kung ano ang tama at dapat habang karamihan ng tao ang ginagawa ay ang hindi tama at hindi dapat.
ayoko maging cynical. ayoko maging stoic. ayoko maging manhid at walang pakialam. pero gusto ko ding ayusin muna ang sarili ko. saka na ang ibang tao.
ano naman ang konek nun sa buhay ko ngayon? isang araw lang naman habang iniisip ko kung ano ang dadalhin ko sa monday pagpasok, biglang sumagi sa isip ko na hindi ako super hero. hindi ako si darna. at hindi ko kayang iligtas ang tao sa lahat ng imaginable miseries or problems. duh?! ano naman konek nun sa dadalhin ko sa opis?
eh nagtataka din ako bat ang dami kong dala. pwede naman kasing pamasahe lang at baon ang dalhin ko. pero hindi. kailangan may dala akong alcohol, lipstick, pulbo, suklay, napkin, tissue, papel, notebook sa school, textbook sa school...etc. etc...
para saan ba ang lahat ng ito? in case kailanganin. and in most cases, hindi ako ang nangangailangan ng mga ito. ok lang sa akin na once lang magsuklay - sa umaga. or sa gabi bago matulog. walang kaso sa akin magmukhang hinilamusan ng mantika sa kintab ang mukha. at ang mga notebooks at textbook sa school na mahirap talaga isingit sa trabaho - pwede ko namang gawin sa bahay.
in case kailanganin ng iba. yun. ganun lagi ang attitude ko. gusto ko, pag may nagtanong sa akin, may solusyon ako. eh hindi nga ako super hero. at napag isip-isip ko na nakakapagod maging sandalan. at lalong nakakapagod na mag isip ng kung ano ang tama at dapat habang karamihan ng tao ang ginagawa ay ang hindi tama at hindi dapat.
ayoko maging cynical. ayoko maging stoic. ayoko maging manhid at walang pakialam. pero gusto ko ding ayusin muna ang sarili ko. saka na ang ibang tao.
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