I don’t want to argue anymore, this is not going anywhere. You’re right, I don’t understand you. If you just want to be with me, then you can come here and I’ll wait for you. No, I can’t cancel my meeting with **. Mama arranged that. In fact, she just requested ** to accompany me because I’m alone tonight….What? You want me to tell ** to go ahead at our house? Isn’t that rude? We just requested her to come over, in fact, she’s got something else to do which she set aside to accommodate mama’s request. What do you mean I don’t understand you? You want to be with me? You can come over here and help me. You know what? I can’t do anything…I can’t finish my shopping for gifts because I’m talking to you. And you keep on calling and texting. Just come here if you want to be with me. No, I can’t ask ** to go ahead at our house. That would be rude. Tell you what, talk to mama about that. I’ll text her now and tell her to talk to you. You talk to mama and tell her what you want. I don’t want to talk about this anymore, I don’t want to argue with you. Okay, you’re right then…I don’t understand you.”
First, I would like to apologize to the girl whom I’ve overheard talking to someone on her mobile. I don't mean to eavesdrop. I should have turned and talked to you. But you may not take it well. I mean my intention. It is times like these that I wished I bought something – a leaflet, a brochure on VAW (Violence Against Women).
I must say she handled that well, whoever she’s arguing with. After the conversation, I found myself weak in the knees, my heart beating faster than normal and cold sweat starting to build. It’s a good thing it ended before my body starts shaking from fear and anger. I guess my body remembered a similar situation.
I don’t know and can only guess who she’s talking to. For all you know, I may be wrong. But my guess is, she was talking to her “significant other.”
It is sweet and oh so romantic when the person we love wants to be with us. Sweet turns to sour when instead of that person moving heaven and earth to be with us, they expect us to move heaven and earth –and yes, our pre-arranged schedules – to be with them. And not only do they want it, they expect it.
It would probably be okay in the movies. But in the real world? We are people with many facets and concerns. We don’t live our lives holding hands with the people we love. We go to work, eat, sleep and socialize. We need our network as much as we need our personal space. And that network of friends, our social network, is as important to our well-being as independence and self-love.
Let me differentiate self-love with selfishness. Self-love is knowing you are important too and in knowing that, we take time to improve ourselves. Only in the understanding that we are worthy of love could we ourselves give out love. For like charity, love also begins at home….with ourselves.
Selfishness on the other hand is just the opposite of self-love. People who feels lacking are selfish. They always feel that the world is out to get them. That the world owes them something. And so, they take without giving – because they are entitled to it. Because the world owes them something.
Some people think that abusive partners are only those who physically abuse them. But using emotions to make other people do what you want them to do is abusive. And this is one sign of an abusive person. The words “I just want to be with you” may seem sweet and romantic. But put it in the context of the one I overheard, then its abuse.
How long before the pleading becomes the beating? And how many times have I heard that “I only did it because she made me do it, she doesn’t want to: 1) make love to me, 2) have my baby 3) cook my dinner, 4) stop nagging, 5) come home early, etc. etc.… the reasons abusive partners give are endless.
Abusive partner won’t take responsibilities for their actions. Instead, they would blame the beating on the beaten. It’s as if they don’t have control of their own emotions, their own thoughts and actions.
Beware of people who blame their actions on others. This is surefire sign of an abusive person. It is easy to commit mistakes when we think that others are at fault. And when they have put the blame on others, they would not stop being abusive because its justified in their mind.
