getting over an abusive relationship, part 1

How do one get out of an abusive relationship?

Learn to love oneself. I could go on and on about you’re rights – like you have the right to be whatever you want to be, to be free from abuse, you’re right to dignity as a human being, etc. etc…but the bottom line is: do you see yourself as someone worth loving? Do you see yourself as someone worth something? Or do you see your worth through someone else’s eyes?

Do you need another person to give meaning to your life? Then you will always be going back to the same relationship over and over again. You may not be going back to the same person, but it will always be the same relationship.

Breaking up from a cycle of violence is not easy. When the nights get cold and the days gets lonely it is doubly hard to resist the sweet calling of being one again with someone. And there goes the problem. You are whole by yourself, not half of someone else.

What do I mean being happy with myself? That I can be happy without depending on other people to make me happy. I once read – happiness is a choice. This may not be true all of the time, especially when there’s a compelling reason to be sad. Like being in an accident or losing one’s job or losing one’s loved ones (yep. Being happy by yourself does not mean you don’t have to love someone else aside from yourself) and having no money when you are in dire need of one (like being sick and no money to buy medicine). But whole people don’t wallow in sadness for the longest time. They don’t blame others for their sadness. They go on living and finding solutions to their problems and not finger pointing other people as the cause of their miseries. (But some miserable people DO try making other people as miserable as they are-but this is another topic)

Going back to severing yourself from an abusive relationship. Every body commits mistakes. If you made one, be ready to admit it and then get on with your life. NO, not with the abuser. Get on with your life apart from the abusive relationship. You are whole and you can be happy on your own.

Then after realizing that, you can now take the next steps. Finding help. Where to go and what to do.